In the News
Spokane Favs October 30, 2023
Read the full article here: https://spokanefavs.com/new-book-guides-women-pastors-on-spiritual-care-while-raising-children/
Alyssa Bell and her book "Calm and Quiet My Soul: A Holistic Approach to Spiritual Care for the Mothering Pastor" / Contributed
News Story by Nina Culver | FāVS News
October 30, 2023
The Rev. Alyssa Bell of Emmanuel Presbyterian Church has just published a book aimed at supporting women pastors who are juggling ministerial work while also raising children.
Titled “Calm and Quiet My Soul: A Holistic Approach to Spiritual Care,” the book encourages those filling the dual roles of pastor and mother to take care of themselves in addition to caring for others. The book is based in part on Bell’s personal experience as a mother and a pastor.
Limited Resources for Pastors Who Are MothersBell was working as a musical director in a church in Marysville, Washington, when she began taking seminary classes.
“I enjoyed the academic work and really felt called to walk with people in a pastoral capacity,” she said.
After going through a discernment process she graduated from Pittsburgh Theological Seminary. As she started her pastoral work, she had a 2-year-old and had also had several miscarriages.
“I was very much in the mix of parenting and grief,” she said.
Her spiritual director, a person she still meets with regularly, and a small support group gave her the spiritual and emotional care she needed to move forward, Bell said. It was that experience that led her to explore the spiritual care of women pastors for her doctoral dissertation.
That dissertation, which granted her a doctorate of ministry in leadership and spiritual formation from Portland Theological Seminary, became her book.
Bell said she recognizes that not everyone has the support that she did.
“It has been my experience that it is unique,” she said. “There are a lot of pastors who are mothers, but I don’t see a lot of resources for them as a group. I wanted to explore that in my dissertation.”
God as a Mother FigureIn her book Bell asks people to consider God as a mother figure, as portions of the Bible depict God as both a comforter and a fierce protector.
“The Biblical and theological image of God as a mother can provide unique comfort and strength for pastors who are also mothers,” she said.
Bell said she knows that this message of God as mother may not be helpful to some, particularly those who have had a challenging relationship with their own mother.
“For some women, considering God as a mother is an unhelpful image because of their relationship with their mother,” she said. “I know this is not universal.”
One of the key suggestions that Bell makes in her book is for pastors to find a spiritual director, someone who they can have unfettered conversations about faith with. Even pastors need a pastor.
“To be vulnerable with someone if you need spiritual or pastoral care takes courage,” she said. “It takes the right person to talk to.”
Having a spiritual director is something that often happens organically rather than institutionally, Bell said. She was lucky enough to find someone to speak to about her faith, a person who is involved in ministry but is not an ordained pastor. She meets with her spiritual director monthly.
“It is the safe spiritual place for me to ask questions, to grieve, to rejoice,” she said.
Bell’s Book InspirationalThe Rev. Susan Rose heads up Diakonos Solutions, a non-profit organization that mentors women in ministry. She said the message in Bell’s book spoke to her.
“It felt very affirming as a woman and mother in ministry,” she said. “She was speaking a language no one had had ever spoken before. It just felt affirming to be seen.”
Bell’s message of self-care for women pastors also struck a chord.
“She hits a real tender spot in that mothers tend to pour themselves out and ministers tend to pour themselves out,” Rose said. “How do you maintain your spiritual equilibrium?
“I don’t think anything else has been written like this. I liked that Alyssa is theologically grounded and historically grounded and Biblically grounded all together.”
Just recently the number of women pastors in the Presbyterian faith passed 50%, Rose said, making Bell’s book all the more important.
“It’s more important to hear those voices,” she said. “She is an important voice for women pastors.”
The ChallengesMatters of faith aside, it can be mentally and physically challenging to fill the roles of pastor and mother at once. There are the pastoral emergencies that call a pastor away on holidays or during other family time. A sick child can disrupt office work. It can also be difficult to juggle child care when there are late night or weekend pastoral emergencies.
“I’ve been known to bring my kids to visit people in nursing homes,” she said.
Bell said her husband supports her and she also has family in the area to call on if needed.
“It is practically challenging,” she said. “Even though it is a challenge, I feel called to be both a mother and a pastor.”
Rose said she found Bell’s book very actionable, with concrete suggestions to assist pastors who are mothers. She said she believes the message in the book would also speak to lay women.
Rose said that while her children are grown now, she’s been recommending Bell’s book to young mothers in ministry.
“I wish I had had that book 15 years ago,” she said. “I wish I had that book when my children were smaller. I wish I had that book when I was first starting out.”
“Calm and Quiet My Soul” is available on Amazon and at bookshop.org.
Nina Culver is a freelance journalist and North Idaho native who has called Spokane home for the last 30 years. She started working at The Spokesman-Review in 1995 as a work study intern while still a journalism student at Gonzaga University and stuck around for the next 22 years, covering everything from religion to crime. She has an adult daughter and two grandsons who keep her hopping and if she has any free time she likes to read.
Titled “Calm and Quiet My Soul: A Holistic Approach to Spiritual Care,” the book encourages those filling the dual roles of pastor and mother to take care of themselves in addition to caring for others. The book is based in part on Bell’s personal experience as a mother and a pastor.
Limited Resources for Pastors Who Are MothersBell was working as a musical director in a church in Marysville, Washington, when she began taking seminary classes.
“I enjoyed the academic work and really felt called to walk with people in a pastoral capacity,” she said.
After going through a discernment process she graduated from Pittsburgh Theological Seminary. As she started her pastoral work, she had a 2-year-old and had also had several miscarriages.
“I was very much in the mix of parenting and grief,” she said.
Her spiritual director, a person she still meets with regularly, and a small support group gave her the spiritual and emotional care she needed to move forward, Bell said. It was that experience that led her to explore the spiritual care of women pastors for her doctoral dissertation.
That dissertation, which granted her a doctorate of ministry in leadership and spiritual formation from Portland Theological Seminary, became her book.
Bell said she recognizes that not everyone has the support that she did.
“It has been my experience that it is unique,” she said. “There are a lot of pastors who are mothers, but I don’t see a lot of resources for them as a group. I wanted to explore that in my dissertation.”
God as a Mother FigureIn her book Bell asks people to consider God as a mother figure, as portions of the Bible depict God as both a comforter and a fierce protector.
“The Biblical and theological image of God as a mother can provide unique comfort and strength for pastors who are also mothers,” she said.
Bell said she knows that this message of God as mother may not be helpful to some, particularly those who have had a challenging relationship with their own mother.
“For some women, considering God as a mother is an unhelpful image because of their relationship with their mother,” she said. “I know this is not universal.”
One of the key suggestions that Bell makes in her book is for pastors to find a spiritual director, someone who they can have unfettered conversations about faith with. Even pastors need a pastor.
“To be vulnerable with someone if you need spiritual or pastoral care takes courage,” she said. “It takes the right person to talk to.”
Having a spiritual director is something that often happens organically rather than institutionally, Bell said. She was lucky enough to find someone to speak to about her faith, a person who is involved in ministry but is not an ordained pastor. She meets with her spiritual director monthly.
“It is the safe spiritual place for me to ask questions, to grieve, to rejoice,” she said.
Bell’s Book InspirationalThe Rev. Susan Rose heads up Diakonos Solutions, a non-profit organization that mentors women in ministry. She said the message in Bell’s book spoke to her.
“It felt very affirming as a woman and mother in ministry,” she said. “She was speaking a language no one had had ever spoken before. It just felt affirming to be seen.”
Bell’s message of self-care for women pastors also struck a chord.
“She hits a real tender spot in that mothers tend to pour themselves out and ministers tend to pour themselves out,” Rose said. “How do you maintain your spiritual equilibrium?
“I don’t think anything else has been written like this. I liked that Alyssa is theologically grounded and historically grounded and Biblically grounded all together.”
Just recently the number of women pastors in the Presbyterian faith passed 50%, Rose said, making Bell’s book all the more important.
“It’s more important to hear those voices,” she said. “She is an important voice for women pastors.”
The ChallengesMatters of faith aside, it can be mentally and physically challenging to fill the roles of pastor and mother at once. There are the pastoral emergencies that call a pastor away on holidays or during other family time. A sick child can disrupt office work. It can also be difficult to juggle child care when there are late night or weekend pastoral emergencies.
“I’ve been known to bring my kids to visit people in nursing homes,” she said.
Bell said her husband supports her and she also has family in the area to call on if needed.
“It is practically challenging,” she said. “Even though it is a challenge, I feel called to be both a mother and a pastor.”
Rose said she found Bell’s book very actionable, with concrete suggestions to assist pastors who are mothers. She said she believes the message in the book would also speak to lay women.
Rose said that while her children are grown now, she’s been recommending Bell’s book to young mothers in ministry.
“I wish I had had that book 15 years ago,” she said. “I wish I had that book when my children were smaller. I wish I had that book when I was first starting out.”
“Calm and Quiet My Soul” is available on Amazon and at bookshop.org.
Nina Culver is a freelance journalist and North Idaho native who has called Spokane home for the last 30 years. She started working at The Spokesman-Review in 1995 as a work study intern while still a journalism student at Gonzaga University and stuck around for the next 22 years, covering everything from religion to crime. She has an adult daughter and two grandsons who keep her hopping and if she has any free time she likes to read.
Spokesman-Review June 26, 2023
Read the full article here: https://www.spokesman.com/stories/2023/jun/26/wrapped-in-love-heritage-infant-memorial-quilting-/
Wrapped in Love: Heritage Infant Memorial Quilting Club brings a touch of beauty to devastating moment
By Cindy Hval, Spokesman-Review
Photos by Dan Pelle/Spokesman-Review
Members of the Emmanuel Presbyterian Church Quilters, from left, Noel Kafton, Joyce Miller, Kristin Cejka, Sue Burford, Annette Drennen, of Heritage Funeral & Cremation, and Lorelee Bauer, gather to show some of the memorial and keepsake quilts they made for the Infant Memorial Quilting Club on June 14. Heritage Funeral Home provides burial services for many of the youngest in Spokane County. quilters provide quilts to wrap children in for burial or viewing.
The loss of a child is something no family is prepared for. Making decisions about funerals and memorials can feel impossible in the face of such grief.
In Spokane, Heritage Funeral and Cremation provides the majority of infant and children’s services.
“We offer services at no charge for children up to age six,” said Heritage location manager Jen Melberg.
The services don’t include casket, urn, or burial plot but do cover cremation, viewing and memorial service. They also offer deep discounts for services for children aged 7 to 17.
Funeral director Annette Drennen came to Heritage in 2020 and looked for a way to offer comfort to devastated families.
“When babies come into our care, they often arrive in hospital receiving blankets,” she said.
The standard blue-and pink-striped blankets seemed unsubstantial and impersonal to her.
“I’m a quilter,” she said. “Last year, I started a quilt program at Heritage and a Facebook group, and then I told every person I saw about it.”
She wanted to offer parents the option to choose a handmade quilt to wrap their infant or child in for the viewing, burial, or cremation.
“Sometimes moms hold their babies for the first time here,” Drennen said. “I thought we can make it easier.”
Quilts provided by the Infant Memorial Quilting Club come in three sizes and include a matching keepsake quilt block.
“The quilts stay with the babies; the quilt squares go home with the parents,” she said.
Drennen also initiated new options for families to see their child at the funeral home.
“We got a crib, a bassinette, a rocking chair, a Moses basket and a toddler bed,” she said. “Often when they see the child in the crib, they will ask to hold them.”
The quilting community in Spokane responded. Many joined the monthly quilt group that meets at Heritage, and other individuals and groups quilt elsewhere and bring their blankets to the funeral home.
Quilters from Emmanuel Presbyterian Church recently delivered several quilts.
Lorelee Bauer smoothed a tiny quilt made by their group.
“Some are hand-stitched, some are machine stitched,” she said. “I love that we found a use for small pieces of fabric. For me, doing this work in community is very different than doing it in my home. We try to have all of our group touch the fabric.”
Joyce Miller agreed.
“This is one of the times that it takes a village.”
The women are aware of the little ones their quilts may someday enfold.
“There are tears when we are sewing,” Sue Burford said.
When Drennen meets with grieving parents, she explains the quilting program. If they’re interested, she asks them about their child. Did you have a name picked out? A nursery color or theme?
Then she brings an appropriate selection of quilts for the parent to choose from.
Since October, when the program launched, 85 quilts have been donated and 25 have been selected by families. Drennen keeps a scrapbook of quilt photos denoting when an item was donated and when it was chosen.
The quilters looked at the recent donations, admiring hand-tied quilts and sighing over teddy bear prints. The coverings come in all colors and patterns, including one with whimsical baby hippos.
It’s heartbreaking to contemplate the need for such a program, but the statistics are stark.
Melberg said in 2022, Heritage donated $224,843 worth of services for 104 children under 6.
“We currently see about five families a week,” she said.
She’s witnessed the impact of the quilt program.
“We have moms come in with stillborns who say no one has acknowledged their loss.”
She said other moms are overwhelmed when they see the quilts because they’re so touched that someone loved their baby enough to sew for them.
Drennen expressed appreciation for the quilters in Spokane who’ve taken on this project as a way of showing compassion to hurting families.
“This is sometimes the first chance for parents to hold their babies, but it’s always the last chance,” said Drennen. “We are showing grieving families love when they most need it.”
Contact Cindy Hval at dchval@juno.com
In Spokane, Heritage Funeral and Cremation provides the majority of infant and children’s services.
“We offer services at no charge for children up to age six,” said Heritage location manager Jen Melberg.
The services don’t include casket, urn, or burial plot but do cover cremation, viewing and memorial service. They also offer deep discounts for services for children aged 7 to 17.
Funeral director Annette Drennen came to Heritage in 2020 and looked for a way to offer comfort to devastated families.
“When babies come into our care, they often arrive in hospital receiving blankets,” she said.
The standard blue-and pink-striped blankets seemed unsubstantial and impersonal to her.
“I’m a quilter,” she said. “Last year, I started a quilt program at Heritage and a Facebook group, and then I told every person I saw about it.”
She wanted to offer parents the option to choose a handmade quilt to wrap their infant or child in for the viewing, burial, or cremation.
“Sometimes moms hold their babies for the first time here,” Drennen said. “I thought we can make it easier.”
Quilts provided by the Infant Memorial Quilting Club come in three sizes and include a matching keepsake quilt block.
“The quilts stay with the babies; the quilt squares go home with the parents,” she said.
Drennen also initiated new options for families to see their child at the funeral home.
“We got a crib, a bassinette, a rocking chair, a Moses basket and a toddler bed,” she said. “Often when they see the child in the crib, they will ask to hold them.”
The quilting community in Spokane responded. Many joined the monthly quilt group that meets at Heritage, and other individuals and groups quilt elsewhere and bring their blankets to the funeral home.
Quilters from Emmanuel Presbyterian Church recently delivered several quilts.
Lorelee Bauer smoothed a tiny quilt made by their group.
“Some are hand-stitched, some are machine stitched,” she said. “I love that we found a use for small pieces of fabric. For me, doing this work in community is very different than doing it in my home. We try to have all of our group touch the fabric.”
Joyce Miller agreed.
“This is one of the times that it takes a village.”
The women are aware of the little ones their quilts may someday enfold.
“There are tears when we are sewing,” Sue Burford said.
When Drennen meets with grieving parents, she explains the quilting program. If they’re interested, she asks them about their child. Did you have a name picked out? A nursery color or theme?
Then she brings an appropriate selection of quilts for the parent to choose from.
Since October, when the program launched, 85 quilts have been donated and 25 have been selected by families. Drennen keeps a scrapbook of quilt photos denoting when an item was donated and when it was chosen.
The quilters looked at the recent donations, admiring hand-tied quilts and sighing over teddy bear prints. The coverings come in all colors and patterns, including one with whimsical baby hippos.
It’s heartbreaking to contemplate the need for such a program, but the statistics are stark.
Melberg said in 2022, Heritage donated $224,843 worth of services for 104 children under 6.
“We currently see about five families a week,” she said.
She’s witnessed the impact of the quilt program.
“We have moms come in with stillborns who say no one has acknowledged their loss.”
She said other moms are overwhelmed when they see the quilts because they’re so touched that someone loved their baby enough to sew for them.
Drennen expressed appreciation for the quilters in Spokane who’ve taken on this project as a way of showing compassion to hurting families.
“This is sometimes the first chance for parents to hold their babies, but it’s always the last chance,” said Drennen. “We are showing grieving families love when they most need it.”
Contact Cindy Hval at dchval@juno.com